Act III Scene I
Ventidius, Silius, other officers
V: Hahahahah!! Parthia, you are OURS.
S: Antony is gonna be so happy
V: Well I'm not gonna brag about it, I don't want him to feel bad it wasn't him
S: At least tell him what happened
V: Yeah, he's on his way to Athens, we'll let him know.
Act III Scene II
Agrippa and Domitius
Octavius’s house
A: Have the brothers left?
D: They have left, Pompey sailing out, with Octavia crying and her brother Caesar saddened by their leave. Lepidus is still sick from that god awful feast at Pompey’s
A: Ahhhh, Lepidus, what will we do with him? He is a good man but is a suck up to Caesar
D: He does the same with Mark Antony
A: Both he kneels down to almost like a god
Trumpet
D: Alright Agrippa, it is time you go, good bye
A: Good luck and good bye
Agrippa leaves
Enter Octavius, Octavia, Mark Antony
M: Right here is good, no need for you to go further
O: Alright, Mark, take good care of my sister, she is my kin, if I hear anything that is not kind, this friendship will not end well
M: I will take your word seriously Caesar, please do not worry, I will take good care of your sister
O: Good bye sister
Oct: Take care brother
O: And do not worry, I will stay in touch, always
Scene III
Cleopatra: Where is the messan:ger?
Alexas: Afraid to come...
C: Just bring him in! Messanger comes in
M: You won't beat me, right?
C: No, just tell me what Antony's wife is like!
M: Well she's short, and stoic, and her voice is low...
C: Good, how old?
M: Wha...? umm...about 30 and a widow...
C: Really? What about her face?
M: It's round like a watermelon...
C: and her hair?
M: brown like poop, and her forehead is ugly...
C: good now you get money...but for now LEAVE! Messanger leaves
C: soon Charmian, soon Antony will grow tired of her ugliness ...and then he's come back to me...!! Scene IV ACT III : Scene iv:
Enter Mark Antony Octavia
MA: Ever since I left Caesar has been screwing everything up with Pompey , and talking shit about me, what a dick !
Oct: Don’t go against my brother, I don’t know what I’d do with myself
MA: My honor is more important than your emotional welfare, go to Rome and get Caesar in line, I must prepare for battle with Pompey.
Scene V
Domitius Enobarbus and Eros
DE: what's up?
E: you haven't heard? Caesar and Lepidus are fighting Pompey
DE: duh, old news. what else?
E: Well yeah, they won, and Caesar won't give Lepidus his share of the spoils or any credit for all his help....bascially for helping, Lepidus got thrown in prison.
DE: They never got along from the beginning. What about Antony?
E: He's not worried about a thing, he hates Lepidus too.
DE: Well we are all set to sail for Italy.
E: on that note, Antony wants to see you.
Scene VI Scene VI Oct: Antony! How dare you! Cleo has all the power now because you gave her most of Africa! But thanks to me Rome knows you’re a traitor. And now that Lepidus is out nothings going to get in my way of stopping you… Octavia: Hey brother you called? Oct: Has Antony been a good husband to you? Are you ok? Has he done anything? Octavia: No he’s ok. Oct: Where is he now? Octavia: In Athens… Oct: I didn’t want to be the one to tell you but hes not here he’s planning to fight me. I intend to win. Antony is nothing but a foolish traitor. Octavia: That manwhore! He broke my heart! Oct: Don’t cry, everyone in Rome still knows your not a traitor. The people love you.
Scene VII ACT III: scene vii
Enter Cleopatra, Enobarbus
Cleo: I want to fight at see you Mark Antony, aww yeaa
Enobarbus: That’s a bad idea, everyone will be macking on you instead of battling Caesar.
Cleo: Oh fuck you, I do what I want!
Enobarbus: oh look its Mark Antony!
Enter Mark antony and Camidius
MA: I will sail my fleet out and meet Caesar on sea.
Camidius: No, right now we have the advantage on land, and your presence really won’t affect the outcome of the naval battle in our favor.
MA: I do what I want! I’m going to prepare the ships.
Cleopatra and Mark Antony leave
Camidius: He is soo whipped, I better go get ready. Caesar is coming fast.
Scenes VIII and IX
Octavius tell his men : keep the battle on sea! We'll go for land once this part is over.
Antony tells his men: Let's post our guys over there where we can see how many ships Caesar has.
Scene X
DE: Crap! This sux! I can see Cleopatra's 60 ships and they're all speeding away!
Scarus enters
Scarus: The world is over.
DE: Why?
S: We were winning! Then that filthy worthless Egyptian whore, in the middle of the battle she just gives up and leaves!
DE: Yeah I just saw that.
S: And Antony, the love-sick bastard, FOLLOWS HER!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am going to vomit. I have never been so ashamed in my life.
Enter Canidius
C: It's over. Antony couldn't give a rat's ass about any of us. If he cared one bit about winning, we would have won...but he just RAN AWAY FROM THE BATTLE!!!!!
DE: Where is going now?
C: I think towards the Peloponnese. I don't know about you guys, but I'm going over to Caesar.
DE: I think I'm gonna stay with Antony, I know it's probably the wrong decision, but ....
Scene XI
Mark Antony: Oh, God! i've failed all of you! Take this ship made of gold and leave!
All: NOOO!!
MA: i said leave! for i have led you to defeat! forgive me! ~sits down~
Enter Cleopatra, Charmian, Iras, and Eros
E: go! comfort him!
C: ok
MA: NO!! I AM SAD!
E: shut up! look Cleo's here!
Ma: no! i used to be brave! i fought against that jerk, Brutus and yet i am no good!
E: i don't get it...Cleo go to him...
C: Are you sure?
I: Yeah go!
MA: (to Cleo) Look at what you've done to me!
C: I'm sorry...
MA: It's all because i love you! You make me weak!
C: I'm sorry (cries)
MA: sorry...dont' cry (kiss) even a kiss from you makes me feel better.
Scene XII(Peter)
Scene XIII
Cleo, Domitius Enobarbus, Charmian, Iras
C: What are we gonna do, Enobarbus?
DE: Die.
C. Is this our fault or Antony's?
DE: Antony's. You can do whatever you want, but he didn't have to follow you out of the battle. He is a general and he should act like one. He completely abandoned us.
Enter Antony w/ ambassador Eurphronius
Ant: That's the message from Caesar?
E: yup
Ant: Well tell him this. He is a tiny little boy. Let's face each other sword to sword, alone.
They leave
DE: I wonder how that would go. Caesar prolly wouldn't agree to it, what would he gain? Why am I even still with Antony anyway? WEll I suppose if Caesar kills Antony maybe I'll get a chance to kill Caesar, maybe I'll even be famous some day! Enter Thyreus
Cleo: You have a message from Caesar?
T: Yes
Cleo: Read it!
T: Caesar says he understands you are just a woman. As a woman, you have no control over your feelings. Therefore he doesn't blame you and if you leave Antony he won't punish you.
Cleo: Oh , he is a god! He knows I couldn't help my behavior!
T: What should i tell Caesar?
Cleo: Tell him that I bow down to his greatness and lay my crown at his feet.
T: Good plan. Enter Antony
Ant: Who are you? What are you doing here? Whip this man!
T: I'm jsut a messenger!
Ant: Do as I say! Whip him till he bleeds and begs for mercy! I dont need any messages from Caesar.
(addresses Cleo)
Whore! You have been plotting against me from the beginning!
Cleo: oh sweetie....
Ant: You had Julius Caesar, you had Pompey the Great, you had me, now you're done? Filthy, disgusting whore.
Cleo: Why are you saying this?
Ant: You betrayed me. Enter Thyreus & attendents
Did you beat him?
Attendent: yes
Ant (to Thyreus): Your father would have been better off if you had been his daughter and never had followed Caesar. Go back to him and show him how pissed off I am that every person who used to be behind me has turned their back on me. exit Thyreus
Cleo: Please, don't be mad, I would rather die than desert you.
Ant: OK. I still have a lot of ground forces. Maybe I should force a battle w/ Caesar in Alexandria. I stil lhave hope!
Cleo: That's my brave cutie-pie!
Ant: I will fight to my death, I am going to get Caesar if it's the last thing I do!
Cleo: It's my birthday today, are we going to cheer up and have a good time? Call your friends.
Ant: Yeah, I will, we'll all drink till we can't remember that anything is wrong. They leave
DE: Antony is really losing it. I'm getting out of here, and away from Antony before it's too late.
Ventidius, Silius, other officers
V: Hahahahah!! Parthia, you are OURS.
S: Antony is gonna be so happy
V: Well I'm not gonna brag about it, I don't want him to feel bad it wasn't him
S: At least tell him what happened
V: Yeah, he's on his way to Athens, we'll let him know.
Act III Scene II
Agrippa and Domitius
Octavius’s house
A: Have the brothers left?
D: They have left, Pompey sailing out, with Octavia crying and her brother Caesar saddened by their leave. Lepidus is still sick from that god awful feast at Pompey’s
A: Ahhhh, Lepidus, what will we do with him? He is a good man but is a suck up to Caesar
D: He does the same with Mark Antony
A: Both he kneels down to almost like a god
Trumpet
D: Alright Agrippa, it is time you go, good bye
A: Good luck and good bye
Agrippa leaves
Enter Octavius, Octavia, Mark Antony
M: Right here is good, no need for you to go further
O: Alright, Mark, take good care of my sister, she is my kin, if I hear anything that is not kind, this friendship will not end well
M: I will take your word seriously Caesar, please do not worry, I will take good care of your sister
O: Good bye sister
Oct: Take care brother
O: And do not worry, I will stay in touch, always
Scene III
Cleopatra: Where is the messan:ger?
Alexas: Afraid to come...
C: Just bring him in!
Messanger comes in
M: You won't beat me, right?
C: No, just tell me what Antony's wife is like!
M: Well she's short, and stoic, and her voice is low...
C: Good, how old?
M: Wha...? umm...about 30 and a widow...
C: Really? What about her face?
M: It's round like a watermelon...
C: and her hair?
M: brown like poop, and her forehead is ugly...
C: good now you get money...but for now LEAVE!
Messanger leaves
C: soon Charmian, soon Antony will grow tired of her ugliness ...and then he's come back to me...!!
Scene IV
ACT III : Scene iv:
Enter Mark Antony Octavia
MA: Ever since I left Caesar has been screwing everything up with Pompey , and talking shit about me, what a dick !
Oct: Don’t go against my brother, I don’t know what I’d do with myself
MA: My honor is more important than your emotional welfare, go to Rome and get Caesar in line, I must prepare for battle with Pompey.
Scene V
Domitius Enobarbus and Eros
DE: what's up?
E: you haven't heard? Caesar and Lepidus are fighting Pompey
DE: duh, old news. what else?
E: Well yeah, they won, and Caesar won't give Lepidus his share of the spoils or any credit for all his help....bascially for helping, Lepidus got thrown in prison.
DE: They never got along from the beginning. What about Antony?
E: He's not worried about a thing, he hates Lepidus too.
DE: Well we are all set to sail for Italy.
E: on that note, Antony wants to see you.
Scene VI
Scene VI
Oct: Antony! How dare you! Cleo has all the power now because you gave her most of Africa! But thanks to me Rome knows you’re a traitor. And now that Lepidus is out nothings going to get in my way of stopping you…
Octavia: Hey brother you called?
Oct: Has Antony been a good husband to you? Are you ok? Has he done anything?
Octavia: No he’s ok.
Oct: Where is he now?
Octavia: In Athens…
Oct: I didn’t want to be the one to tell you but hes not here he’s planning to fight me. I intend to win. Antony is nothing but a foolish traitor.
Octavia: That manwhore! He broke my heart!
Oct: Don’t cry, everyone in Rome still knows your not a traitor. The people love you.
Scene VII
ACT III: scene vii
Enter Cleopatra, Enobarbus
Cleo: I want to fight at see you Mark Antony, aww yeaa
Enobarbus: That’s a bad idea, everyone will be macking on you instead of battling Caesar.
Cleo: Oh fuck you, I do what I want!
Enobarbus: oh look its Mark Antony!
Enter Mark antony and Camidius
MA: I will sail my fleet out and meet Caesar on sea.
Camidius: No, right now we have the advantage on land, and your presence really won’t affect the outcome of the naval battle in our favor.
MA: I do what I want! I’m going to prepare the ships.
Cleopatra and Mark Antony leave
Camidius: He is soo whipped, I better go get ready. Caesar is coming fast.
Scenes VIII and IX
Octavius tell his men : keep the battle on sea! We'll go for land once this part is over.
Antony tells his men: Let's post our guys over there where we can see how many ships Caesar has.
Scene X
DE: Crap! This sux! I can see Cleopatra's 60 ships and they're all speeding away!
Scarus enters
Scarus: The world is over.
DE: Why?
S: We were winning! Then that filthy worthless Egyptian whore, in the middle of the battle she just gives up and leaves!
DE: Yeah I just saw that.
S: And Antony, the love-sick bastard, FOLLOWS HER!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am going to vomit. I have never been so ashamed in my life.
Enter Canidius
C: It's over. Antony couldn't give a rat's ass about any of us. If he cared one bit about winning, we would have won...but he just RAN AWAY FROM THE BATTLE!!!!!
DE: Where is going now?
C: I think towards the Peloponnese. I don't know about you guys, but I'm going over to Caesar.
DE: I think I'm gonna stay with Antony, I know it's probably the wrong decision, but ....
Scene XI
Mark Antony: Oh, God! i've failed all of you! Take this ship made of gold and leave!
All: NOOO!!
MA: i said leave! for i have led you to defeat! forgive me!
~sits down~
Enter Cleopatra, Charmian, Iras, and Eros
E: go! comfort him!
C: ok
MA: NO!! I AM SAD!
E: shut up! look Cleo's here!
Ma: no! i used to be brave! i fought against that jerk, Brutus and yet i am no good!
E: i don't get it...Cleo go to him...
C: Are you sure?
I: Yeah go!
MA: (to Cleo) Look at what you've done to me!
C: I'm sorry...
MA: It's all because i love you! You make me weak!
C: I'm sorry (cries)
MA: sorry...dont' cry (kiss) even a kiss from you makes me feel better.
Scene XII(Peter)
Scene XIII
Cleo, Domitius Enobarbus, Charmian, Iras
C: What are we gonna do, Enobarbus?
DE: Die.
C. Is this our fault or Antony's?
DE: Antony's. You can do whatever you want, but he didn't have to follow you out of the battle. He is a general and he should act like one. He completely abandoned us.
Enter Antony w/ ambassador Eurphronius
Ant: That's the message from Caesar?
E: yup
Ant: Well tell him this. He is a tiny little boy. Let's face each other sword to sword, alone.
They leave
DE: I wonder how that would go. Caesar prolly wouldn't agree to it, what would he gain? Why am I even still with Antony anyway? WEll I suppose if Caesar kills Antony maybe I'll get a chance to kill Caesar, maybe I'll even be famous some day!
Enter Thyreus
Cleo: You have a message from Caesar?
T: Yes
Cleo: Read it!
T: Caesar says he understands you are just a woman. As a woman, you have no control over your feelings. Therefore he doesn't blame you and if you leave Antony he won't punish you.
Cleo: Oh , he is a god! He knows I couldn't help my behavior!
T: What should i tell Caesar?
Cleo: Tell him that I bow down to his greatness and lay my crown at his feet.
T: Good plan.
Enter Antony
Ant: Who are you? What are you doing here? Whip this man!
T: I'm jsut a messenger!
Ant: Do as I say! Whip him till he bleeds and begs for mercy! I dont need any messages from Caesar.
(addresses Cleo)
Whore! You have been plotting against me from the beginning!
Cleo: oh sweetie....
Ant: You had Julius Caesar, you had Pompey the Great, you had me, now you're done? Filthy, disgusting whore.
Cleo: Why are you saying this?
Ant: You betrayed me.
Enter Thyreus & attendents
Did you beat him?
Attendent: yes
Ant (to Thyreus): Your father would have been better off if you had been his daughter and never had followed Caesar. Go back to him and show him how pissed off I am that every person who used to be behind me has turned their back on me.
exit Thyreus
Cleo: Please, don't be mad, I would rather die than desert you.
Ant: OK. I still have a lot of ground forces. Maybe I should force a battle w/ Caesar in Alexandria. I stil lhave hope!
Cleo: That's my brave cutie-pie!
Ant: I will fight to my death, I am going to get Caesar if it's the last thing I do!
Cleo: It's my birthday today, are we going to cheer up and have a good time? Call your friends.
Ant: Yeah, I will, we'll all drink till we can't remember that anything is wrong.
They leave
DE: Antony is really losing it. I'm getting out of here, and away from Antony before it's too late.